


We're nothing but trouble

by DisasterSoundtrack



Category: Bandom, Pierce the Veil, Sleeping With Sirens
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Soulmates (hinted), alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-21
Updated: 2015-07-21
Packaged: 2018-04-10 10:16:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4388003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DisasterSoundtrack/pseuds/DisasterSoundtrack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When in trouble at work, Vic likes to escape to his secret hideaway - a rooftop. Until one day the place is not so secret anymore, because someone else is there.</p>
<p>The story of conquering fears, surviving pain and finding each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We're nothing but trouble

KQ, 04/10/2015

_I have been to a wonderful world once. I have been to a place with no pain, no joy, no emotions at all. I have been where birds fly low and cars horn without sound. I have been no one there. I have been myself._

_Until I've been taken away from there against my will, before my roots started to grow._

*

My boss is yelling at me and his face looks like it's about to explode. Unfortunately it won't - I've seen that before and nothing ever happens. He yells, sometimes pats me on the arm when he's done and then he's on his way to yell at someone else.

I can't believe I've only worked here a week and it already feels like a life sentence.

I know I shouldn't be taking this break, but I'm going to pass out or kill myself if I don't. The worst that can happen is I make less money- not that I'm making a lot now anyway. I spare one short look at my boss, yelling at the redhead, I think her name is Danielle, and I walk away as fast as I can, my pounding heart slowly coming to a normal pace.

I breathe a sigh of relief when the key still fits. It shouldn't, but at least one thing in my crappy life goes my way. I climb the narrow staircase and open a trapdoor to the rooftop. It's a chilly day, clouds in the sky, wind blowing in my hair I have to keep 'reasonably short' in my job. As if anyone cares.

But today is not like any other day on the roof. Today, I have to blink twice before I realize someone is already there. I've been coming here for four days and no one ever was - I've started treating the place as sacred.

A young guy is sitting on the concrete, dangerously close to the edge. He's wearing a leather jacket and jeans, his hair is messy and black, somewhat shorter than mine. He looks like someone whose place is onstage with a rock band or in a tattoo parlor. I stop in my tracks. The guy hears me walking and turns around. His features are soft, eyes bright, striking. No hint of a smile anywhere.

"You shouldn't be here." He's frowning. I wish that made him less attractive. It doesn't. I hate myself.

"Well, neither should you. Unless you're a maintenance worker and you don't look like one. How did you even get here?"

"My father was manager of the building once."

"He's not anymore?"

"He died." The guy is looking at me without blinking an eye. Still no smile.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"Okay."

I sit down on my usual concrete block and try to forget the guy is even here. I'm staring at the city's skyline, counting my breaths, like the smart people on the interned advised. Thirty seconds in, I notice the guy is still looking at me inquisitively.

"The big question is, how did _you_ get here, Suit and Tie."

"My name is Vic, actually."

"Kellin. Can I come over and shake your hand or are you gonna freak out?"

I scoff, but deep down I'm grateful he asked. The guy, Kellin, stands up, dusts off his pants and walks over. I take his hand and something unexplicable happens.

A warm current. A twist. A sensation I can't name, so I just brush it off. He's smiling at me brightly now.

"First day I worked here, which was Monday, I found a key on the floor in the bathroom. It said 'roof'. So I tried it out during lunchbreak, and it fit. I've been coming over ever since. Helps me calm."

"Yeah, the security never gave much of a fuck here."

We remain silent for another couple of minutes. Kellin moves closer to the edge of the roof again, the wind further messing up his hair. I know I have to get back to work for at least two more hours, but this place feels even more out of the real world now, with the added Peter Pan. I could stay for a while. Days, even. Nobody would care.

"Is Vic short for Victor?"

"It is. Is Kellin short for Kellin?"

"Oh, you're a funny guy", he says, but he's not laughing. Not even smiling. It's very unsettling. I stand up, ready to walk away, even though I don't really want to. No, it's actually the last thing I want to do. I want to feel the warm current again. I want to feel something good.

"You're leaving? Come on, man, I didn't even get to know you properly."

"Do you want to?"

"Sure! You're making this place more interesting. Will you be back Monday?"

"I will. I can bring my lunch here. 1pm."

"See you then!"

Kellin seems content, because he turns away from me and walks close to the edge of the roof again.

"Just promise not to fall."

This time, he really smiles at me, but doesn't say anything.

*

KQ, 04/15/15

_I met somebody today._

_It's been a while since I've properly talked to a stranger. The last time I met somebody new, she told me she loved me, and three months later she told me that I've ruined her life. I never meant to._

_Today I met a boy with warm eyes and voice like a song._

_Today I met a boy who sits on rooftops, just like I do._

*

On Monday, my boss is yelling at people over the phone. I manage to get to lunchbreak without nearing panic attack, which is more than I could hope for. At 1pm I grab my food and disappear on the staircase leading to the roof.

I don't know what I was counting on - there's nobody here. Peter Pan isn't real anyway. I sit alone, surrounded by emptiness of the early afternoon, eating my lunch and not thinking about anything.

Kellin's eyes were really blue. I think I remember correctly.

It's 1:30pm and I'm still alone. I walk up closer to the edge, holding onto the metal barrier, leaning over. That's stupid, I know he didn't fall and die, he just doesn't give a fuck about me. Cars are small on the street way down beneath me. I feel the rush of blood to the head and it's too much. Backing away, still alone, I look around for one last time and go back to work.

I stare at the row of phone numbers on my computer before I start dialing them. I remember I had a doctor once, a long time ago, and she said nobody is going to save me. I have to save myself. I have to want to save myself first.

Can I save myself by jumping into the abyss, doctor?

*

KQ, 04/16/15

_I'm not tired. I'm going to get up soon, I swear. Maybe tomorrow, when it's not so cloudy. Maybe tomorrow._

_Maybe the day after._

*

The next day, I bring my lunch to the rooftop anyway, and Kellin aka Peter Pan is there. I decide on pretending like yesterday never happened, like we didn't have a deal he broke. I realize I've made the right call as soon as I see his face - he's crying, openly, and says "hi" in a shaky, breathy voice. "Another rough day, huh?"

"I should be asking you that, are you alright?"

"Actually, I'm pretty fucking awesome. It feels so good to cry again after so long."

"How long?"

"I don't know, a year, at least. It just started yesterday and keeps going, you know."

I don't. I'm not much of a cryer myself, it's even harder to breathe when you cry, so for me it's useless. But I remember what my Mom taught me about consoling people who cry.

"Come here."

"What for?"

"Fucking come here, I don't bite."

He approaches me, uncertain, chancing a longing look at the rooftop's edge. As soon as he's close enough, I put my arms around him, killing the space between our bodies.

Why? It just feels like the right thing to do.

He's stiff for no longer than a second before he relaxes into it, still weeping. I want to ask all the questions, I want to know all the answers, but I feel like it's not the time. So I'm just holding him, fisting my palms into the back of his denim jacket, broad shoulders, soft hair. The current is warm again. Kellin is crying into the crook of my neck.

"Let's sit down over there, okay?"

"No, don't let go", he panics, holding onto my forearms. I point to a concrete block and we do manage to sit down before he melts into me again. I can feel my suit jacket getting wet from tears.

"Sorry for being like this. It just feels really good."

Me holding him? Or him being finally able to cry? Or maybe another cloudy day on a rooftop?

"It's alright. If it's helping. Is it?"

He nods vigorously and lets go, wiping his face with the back of his palm.

"Don't you wanna eat lunch with your friends from the office?", he asks as soon as he's calmed down reasonably.  
"With who? They're making us hate each other."

"What, do you sell something?"

"Yeah. Internet connection. Our boss says healthy competition makes our performance better. He's the greatest asshole you'd ever meet, trust me."

"Pretty sure my dad would give him a run for the money."

I'm not asking. I keep the respectable 15 seconds of silence before I speak again.

"So I'm a salesman, what do you do?"

He shrugs. His eyes are puffy and red from all the crying, but he seems okay now.

"I studied Accounting and was a singer in a band."

"Was?"

"I...yeah, I had to go to a hospital for six months, and everything fell apart, you know."

"I'm sorry to hear that." It's a strange feeling, but Kellin might actually be doing worse than me. You don't hang out with that kind of a person every day. You don't hang with a rooftop walker every day either. Most people never do.

"It's okay now. I'm going back to school in the fall, I'm really okay."

"Yeah, you seem picture perfect to me. With all the rooftop walking and crying."

"Come on."

We're sitting on one concrete block and our arms are still touching. I know I'm going to be looking for excuses for physical contact with him from now on.

You want to see something funny? Just watch me take this all the way to hell.

"Why do you even come here?" Out of all the questions I could've asked, this is the one that seems the most urgent.

"I like it here. It feels... it feels different than the rest of the world. It feels unreal. Why do you come here?"

"So I can breathe properly."

"If this job is stressing you out so much, wouldn't it make more sense to quit and find another one?"

"That's not so easy, man." _You make it seem so easy for some reason._ "Jobhunting is torture for me. I have severe social anxiety."

"You do? You don't act like you do."

"Not here with you. You haven't seen me out there, in the real world. It gets messy."

"Yeah, I know a few things about that."

My lunch break is half an hour longer than it should be. I don't care.

*

KQ, 04/17/15

_The rooftop boy, Victor, might be an angel. I mean if angels were real people with nose piercings, dark hair and warm hands, he would be one._

_He held me today when I was crying. He didn't tell me to stop, he didn't say it's going to be fine, he just held me. Like he read one of the books on dealing with depressed people. Maybe he did._

_Maybe he's an angel with really soft hands and that's all I'm ever going to know about him._

*

When he says he's going to be there after I'm done with work for the day, I don't expect much. Kellin still seems ephemeral and otherwordly, something you can't quite hold onto. But he's there, sitting on an actual blanket with two pillows nearby.

"Hey Vic. You hungry? I brought us sandwiches."

"This is...wow, Kellin, this is great."

"I know, right? I've tried very hard. Come on, sit down with me. Maybe we can see the sunset, the sky's clear today."

"Show me the food, man, I'm starving."

All of the sandwiches are gone before the sky turns deep orange, with purple clouds floating here and there. Preoccupied with the sunset, at first I don't realize that Kellin is looking at me quizzically.

"What?"

"I just realized how much like a date it feels. Sorry if that offends you. I'm stupid and somebody at your home might not be okay with this. Sorry."

He's in a 'sorry' spiral and that's a bad place to be, I know that.

"Don't be sorry. There's no one. I'm really enjoying this." None of us is crying or panicking this time, so it's really a step in the right direction.

"Oh. Okay then." He moves a few inches closer to me, smiling brightly. I get caught up in the light that his face seems to be shining with. It's such a common expression, a cliche, to be lost in someone's eyes. But I am kind of lost. Kellin's expression gets a little more serious and I forget all about the sunset.

"How old are you, Vic? I know nothing about you."

"Twenty-five. You?"

"Twenty-four. In a few weeks."

We talk about everything and nothing, from our favorite colors and favorite music (we like the same stuff) to our earliest childhood memories, and then that one time Kellin used a cock ring. I tell him a story of that one crazy club night with my drag queen friend and he tells me about his dog from when he was a kid. The sky turns dark blue and the stars are coming out. We're lying on a blanket on our backs, with pillows under our heads. It's getting cold, but I don't mind. It's nice to be underneath the sky with Kellin. It's nice to feel his warmth next to me. It's nice knowing he's a real person anyway.

"I used to look at the stars a lot when I was younger." He takes a deep breath. It seems important, so I'm not interrupting. "When my dad got really drunk and I was scared, I'd climb out my window and to the roof. It felt safer. It still feels safer on the roof than anywhere else, you know."

"Yeah."

"When I left the hospital last month, this roof was the first place I went to."

I can hear him breathing. "You wanna tell me why you went to the hospital?"

"I was... I was depressed, Vic. Suicidal. Everything... there was nothing but pain. Like 24/7 with your lovely boss. Or worse."

Anything I could say right now would be wrong, so I just stay quiet. I want to hug him until he's out of breath. I want this Friday to turn into a Saturday and then Sunday and I want us to still be here, like survivors of the sky crashing down. I don't know any of the constellations' names, but I'm sure Kellin does.

His hand finds mine between our bodies and our fingers tangle. I am holding on. Warm current runs through my entire body while I continue not to say anything.

All of the stars are out.

*

KQ, 04/25/15

_A very long time ago, she said nobody is ever going to love me. She said I don't even like myself, so I can't expect anybody to put up with me. Her life, I've ruined. My own was ruined way before that._

_She might've been right. She was hardly ever wrong._

_Vic asked me about constellations last night. I've pointed out all of the ones I know. He ate my sandwiches. He squeezed my hand back. He was not mad. He didn't dwell on the painful stuff._

_My angel from the rooftop is a real boy now. He has a heart, and it's beating._

_I felt it._

*

I was in a car crash once. I don't remember much, I was only five at the time, Mike not even three, but I know there was blood, sirens, blinding lights and people yelling. My dad broke a leg then, my mom fractured a wrist bone. The car got totalled. We were lucky.

This evening, right now, it feels like a car crash. Like the worst thing that could happen.

The lights are spiralling around me, everywhere, too much, too fast. I try to sit down, but then I realize I'm on the pavement, and people are trying to push past me. I haven't taken a proper breath in hours.

My phone screen flashes ahead of me while I try to separate myself from the world with a hood. I search my contact list and find the newly added name.

I make the call. I don't know what else I could do. If he hadn't told me he lives around here, I would call Mike, Jaime, Tony or Justin. Now, I just call Kellin.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Kells. Are you - are you home?"

"Vic, are you alright?"

"No, not so good. I'm sorry but can you, like - "

"Hang on, where are you? I'll come get you, just tell me where."

"Palm Boulevard? By the subway station. Just passed a Costco."

"Okay, I know this place. Is there a bench by the station? Near the entrance? Vic?"

"I don't..." He's talking too fast. Everything starts spinning again, although it does feel calming to hear his voice.

"Just stay there. Don't move, okay? Sit down. I'll be there in ten. I'm on my way now, getting in the car. Keep on breathing and don't you dare move. I'll come get you. Do you hear me? Vic?"

"Y-yeah. I'm sitting down."

"Okay. Ten minutes tops." He hangs up. Somebody yells at me for blocking their way and I just want to die. I really should be taking some meds. I should see a doctor. I should quit my fucking job.

Oh wait, I already did that.

As soon as I see Kellin running my way from the Costco parking lot, the world comes into focus again. Some air floats into my lungs, so good and sweet. He grabs me by the arms, makes me look into his eyes (for some reason, he looks scared and shaken) and kisses me, right on the lips, bringing me closer fast and swiftly.

Me, I am stunned. Breath gets knocked out of my lungs again and I don't have enough time to react, everything is so overwhelming. He lets go quickly, but surrounds me with his arms and leads me to his car.

"Fuck, I was so worried. Are you alright? I mean, no, don't answer, take your time. Do you need anything?"

_You, you, just you, don't leave me._ I shake my head no. Soon we're in the car, I'm in the passenger's seat and Kellin's starting the engine. I'm still biting my lips, the metallic taste of blood is all over my tongue now.

"I'm gonna take you to my place, it's closer and my brother is out of town."

"Kellin."

"What?"

He turns to me, a little twitchy and visibly disturbed by my freakout. I put my palm on his forearm. Our foreheads touch. Tension is rolling off my shoulders in waves. We stay like that, joining hands too, for a while. Until I can't breathe again.

"Thank you, Kells."

"Anytime."

Peter Pan takes me home. He tells me to take my shoes off, gives me a tall glass of water and than chamomille tea. He makes the bed, wraps me in a blanket and tells me I should sleep.

"You wanna tell me what happened?"

I take a deep breath. "I - I got a phonecall, and - no, I can't, can we talk about this in the morning?"

"Sure. Whatever works. I'm gonna go sleep in my brother's room, alright?"

He's standing in the doorway and I don't want him to go anywhere. He's already too far away. So I tell him that.

"Stay."

Kellin's smiling coyly. "But will you share the blanket with me?"

I nod and he slides into his own bed with me. We're on top of the covers, fully dressed. I wrap both of us in the blanket Kellin gave me. We're sharing space and warmth and it feels more intimate than many conventionally more intimate things I've done before.

"I was in a car crash once, you know."

"Don't think about that now. Just try to relax."

He kisses my forehead. I raise my head slightly to find his lips, properly this time. I kiss him. He's okay with it. To my giant relief, he kisses me back. We go soft at first, slowly, learning each other's pace, but it fits, it's a match and I know that right away, when he moves closer, so that our bodies are fully pressed together. This motion awakens a new hunger inside me and I start kissing him faster, greedily almost, carding my fingers through his hair, restless, sleepless, drained, seeing all the stars and clouds from our rooftop. Kellin's tongue brushes over mine. All the fears of tonight combine in one deep sigh, and he swallows it whole.

He breaks the kiss after a long, long time. His cheeks are a bit colored. Mine are too, probably.

"You wanna go to sleep now?"

I nod. We're still pressed together.

"Do you want me to leave?"

"That's still a no."

"Goodnight then. We'll talk tomorrow."

I'm listening to the beat of his heart and it's faster than my own. I can't think of a reason why. Kellin keeps caressing my hair, softly, slowly. One of my legs is trapped between two of his, denim rubbing against denim. Another kiss to the forehead. Kellin's reassuring presence makes me drift off pretty fast.

How did my car crash turn into this? How did all of this happen?

*

I wake up at the break of dawn, restless and confused, to Kellin's hand tracing intricate patterns on the exposed skin of my neck. The air smells like cold fear is still lurking somewhere underneath, where I can't quite see it.

"Why are you awake?" I ask.

"I don't know. I wanna be with you more, that's it."

"Did you sleep at all?" I ask, but he doesn't bother answering, instead keeps looking at me, through me, with these cold, cold eyes, touching me with just fingertips.

"Sorry I woke you up", whispers Kellin, his lips buried in my hair, and I cling to him desperately, opening up for everything. The morning is weaved of silence and stolen seconds, but I can feel this fire burning up inside me and I want him to know.

"Kellin." He looks at me and I just hope he knows already. He makes a short, fast move, our lips crash, hands try to get rid of blankets, clothes, everything that's in our way, breaths become ragged and loud.

We don't speak. Kellin's T-shirt flies off the bed, mine soon does too, leaving me shivering, skin covered in a sheen of sweat. I grab for his belt and he starts kissing me even harder, moving to my neck, sucking, leaving a mark.

My neck is not the only place I'd let him mark.

Kellin, as it turns out, has a couple of tattoos. They cover his entire right shoulder and rest upon his collarbones. I would pay them more attention if it hadn't been for Kellin trying to unzip my jeans.

For the first time in my life, doing this feels good. It feels less like going through the motions and more like pure, uncovered honesty. How did Kellin say that? _I wanna be with you more._

Well, I want to be with him more too.

Both our pants are off already and we're trying to deal with each other's underwear. We succeed. This isn't entirely new to me, but somehow I managed to forget how it tastes like.

"Vic." He says while I'm kissing the place where his hip jolts out from the skin.

"What is it?"

"Nothing. I just like the sound of your name."

I like the sound of my own name, too, when he says it. When he moans it, out with hot breaths, making me warm. Making the sparks fly. His name slips past my lips a couple of times as well, but, unlike Kellin, I am rather quiet.

I am so, so awake, and so alive. I am with him, together.

It's a match.

*

"You gotta promise me something."

"What, Vic?"

"That the next time we do it, we do it on our rooftop."

"You wanna fuck on the roof? You kinky bastard", he laughs. "That's a brilliant idea. I'm down."

"Good then."

I'm hugging him from behind, my arm trapped and numb somewhere between our sweaty, tired bodies, hair glued to my face, but it's all okay, we're holding hands and I can feel Kellin's chest rising with his every breath.

"You wanna tell me what last night was about now?"

"Well, my boss called me and requested I come to the office. Urgently."

"On a Saturday afternoon?"

"Exactly."

"Whoa, that's some nerve."

"So I went. Turns out he wanted to yell at me for some minor mistake I've made. And he yelled and yelled and yelled."

"Fuck this, Vic, I'm so sorry."

"Wait, it gets better. So he finished yelling and asked me if I understood. I was so fucking confused I couldn't speak. So I didn't answer him. And then he slapped me."

"What the...?!"

"Yeah, he slapped me in the face. No fucks given. I couldn't, I fucking couldn't, so I said I quit. And then I just left him there."

"Wow. Jesus, man."

"The panic attack came in the elevator."

Kellin turns around in my arms to face me and nuzzles me with his nose.

"I'm glad you called me."

"Really?"

"Yeah." He's smiling in a shy, adorable way that makes me want to drop little kisses to his face, everywhere I can. So I do that. And then I just stare at him some more while he plays with my hair.

"So you might have no job now, but everything turned out alright in the end if you ask me", says Kellin.

Alright? That's quite an understatement. A perfect recipe for disaster turned into...us. Whatever we decide to call it.

"All thanks to you. You're pretty amazing."

Kellin smiles, whispers "You too", and we kiss for a while, lazily.

"You know I used to call you the boy who sits on rooftops?"

"Really? I used to call you Peter Pan. I thought you weren't real."

"Well here I am, flesh and blood."

"Thank all the stars for that."

*

KQ, 05/03/15

_Last night, I saved the boy who sits on rooftops._

_This morning, I gave him all I've got, and he gave me back the same thing._

**Author's Note:**

> If this story made you feel something, please tell me. Let's talk in the comments!


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